Season 3

The one with the Princess Leia fantasy

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Phoebe- Where would a mouse or a possum get the money to make a phone call?
Chandler- There is no Count Rushmore! Joey- Yeah, then who's the guy who painted the faces on the mountain?
Chandler- I'm not yanking you!

The one where no one's ready

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Chandler- When I get back it's Chair City, and I'm the guy who's.. s-sitting in a chair.
Ross- I don't care, it starts at eight, we can't be late. Phoebe- We could not, would not, want to wait!
Joey- What a cool job. [Immitating answer phone] You have two new messages. Please pass the pie.
Chandler- You know what's wierd? Donald Duck never wore pants. But whenever he's getting out of the shower, he always puts a towel around his waist. I mean, what is that about?

The one with the jam

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Monica- So I've got a new plan now: babies. Chandler- Well, you're going to need much bigger jars.
Joey- Remember when you were a kid, and your mom'd drop you off at the movies, with a jar of jam and a little spoon?
Chandler- I didn't think the doctor was going to buy that it just fell out of the socket.
Monica- I don't need an actual man, just a couple of his best swimmers.

The one with the metaphorical tunnel

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Chandler- Look Ben, its a toy that protects US oil interests overseas! Chandler and Joey- Go Joe!
Chandler- Joe, I assure you, if I'm staring down the barrel of a gun I'm going to be pretty much peeing every which way.
Janice- Well, I gotta buy a vowel, because 'Oh my God!'.

The one with Frank Jr.

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Chandler- Does anyone else think David Copperfield is cute? Monica- No, but he told me he thinks you're a fox.
Phoebe- So what kind of things do you like to do at home? Frank- Melt stuff.

The one with the flashback

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Phoebe- Cute Naked Guy's really starting to put on weight.
Ross- Last week she met this woman at the gym, Susan something, and they really hit it off, and I think it's going to make a difference.
Rachel- Can we please have lunch the next time I'm in the city? Monica- Oh, that'd be great. Rachel- OK. Monica- Thanks. Rachel- Bye. Monica- Bye. Ten bucks says I never see that woman again in my life.
Ross [on the phone]- I think girl's night out is a great idea. Phoebe- What are they doing? Ross- I don't know, something girly.
Phoebe- Mr Heckles, no one is making any noise up here! Mr Heckles- You're disturbing my oboe practice. Phoebe- You don't play the oboe! Mr Heckles- I could play the oboe. Phoebe- Then I'm going to have to ask you to keep it down.
Ross- I think my marriage is, um, is kind of over. Phoebe- Oh no! Why? Ross- Because Carol's a lesbian. And I'm not one.
Phoebe- I need to live in a land where I can spill!
Ross- Stupid balls are in the way!

The one with the race car bed

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Chandler [thinking]- If I was a superhero who could fly and be invisible, that would be the best!
Joey is singing to himself in his thoughts
Joey- Let's say I've just gotten bad n ews. Well, all I do there is try and divide 232 by 13.
Phoebe- Isn't it cool? Vroom, vroom!

The one with the giant poking device

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Joey- Ugly Naked Guy's using his new hammock. It's like a Play-doh fat factory.
Joey- If the Homo Sapiens were in fact, *Homo* Sapiens, is that why they're extinct?
Rachel- ..and number 2, I.. Joey [laughing]- You said 'Number 2'! Rachel- I also said 'Number 1'. Joey- I know!
Joey- You know how we save all those chopsticks for no reason when we get Chinese food? Chandler- Yeah. Joey- Now we got a reason. Chandler- What? Joey- We're fashioning a very long poking device.
Phoebe- Hey! You're not dead! OK, see ya.

The one with the football

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Chandler- Is everybody else seeing a troll doll nailed to a 2 by 4?
Phoebe- Ooh! Broken boobs!
Monica- Why can't you just accept that we're winning because we're better than you? Ross- Uh-huh! Monica- Oh, what a great arguement, exhaling!
Joey- Prepare to feel very bad about yourself. Chandler- Hey! Well, I've been preparing for that for my entire life. Or something about you that's mean!
Ross- Take all the second downs you need. Monica- I heard that! Ross- Well, I said it loud.